This colour

Worked on my thesis for most part of the afternoon and evening. Felt nauseous and giddy thereafter. Took a break. Watch Da Chang Jin on TV.

Graduation is imminent.

I have not decided what i want to do after school. It's going to be something linked to the environment or an event organiser or somewhere between this two. Labwork is definitely out. Interactionless jobs can make me jump off a building. Teaching seems to be an attractive choice. But i don't have the interest for it.

I am now better able to appreciate people for who they are. A phone call can end up being a casual msn chat. Normally i would treat that as a lack of interest of the other person. But i realise that some people are introverts. They do not like to talk much. Can't assume they aren't bothered about me. It's their way of communication.

People change. Everything that is a son and daugther of adam and eve change. Can never stay inside your comfort zone forever. Have to move on and adapt. Freak. This sounds so much like behavioural evolution. I guess we are suppose to learn from our past mistakes and grow up. Sometimes we never grow up cos we fail to see the mistakes we are making. God wants us to be chivalrous soldiers fighting and winning battles. Even when enemies seemed so many, we must fight on because we will ultimately win.

Don't be put down because of people. It tends to be people's words which hurt the most, especially when they are the ones you deeply love or treasure. I realised that everyone is insecure to some extend in different areas. That is when we start to become defensive when the sensitive area is being criticised by another person. I have experienced people who make fun of me unintentionally of my weak points. I know they don't do it purposely but it kind of amplifies the defect in my mind sometimes. Yup. As i say, never be put down by people..

And i discovered that having hopes are very important. They keep me excited about what is going to happen. Knowing that a flower bud is going to open the next day is something like an undescribable hullabaloo for me. I think Jan with her pot of crown-of-thorns can understand this. And of cos, the second coming of Christ is the real goody fete to look forward to...